Just HDN Things
by The 11th Hour Bastard
Summary: Couple of shorts parodying some absurd shit in the games.


Just HDN Things:

Chapter 1 : No Need to Work at All

"Neptune please go to work!" (Histoire)

"Don't wanna." (Neptune)

"This is your responsibility as the CPU! Without that, how on Gamindustri are you supposed to raise your shares?"

"Well...couldn't I just go to the guild and submit the herb? It'll instantly raise my share by 3% so why bother?"

"..."

"..cuz that's the way I'd like to live my life, and I feel like everything's gotta be fine..."

#justHDNthings

Chapter 2 : You can't get stronger than the PLOT

Neptune, IF and Compa met for the first time in a cave, but it's actually their second playthrough.

"Alright then girls-we're already lv 999 from mass-murder of Cliones. We can finally defeat Arfoire on our first battle and get the secret ending!" (Neptune)

"Nep Nep, I don't understand what you're talking about. Who is Arfoire, is she your friend?" (Compa)

"I couldn't even make a jab." (Iffy)

The party entered the Event mark and Arforie appeared.

"Mwahahahaha! Bunch of fools, kneel before me and suck my ****!"

"Oh hey, Arbore."

"Who are you calling Arbore!"

"Well whatever, I'm tired of seeing you again. If we could raise our Lily Rank due to the number of times we met, ours could be level 10 already."

Arfoire's face flustered due to the unintentional pick-up line and she went all tsundere.

"W-w-wha! What the hell are you saying, you damn little girl! How dare you confess to me after insulting my great name."

"Alright, alright. I'm gonna beat you up to cure your chuunibyou—Compa, Iffy!"

"Wait, wait—if you're going out with her why're you gonna beat her up, are you an S?" (Iffy)

"Iffy, what is an S?" (Compa)

"Sa—strangewoman."

"You impretinent fools! You're playing with my brittle heart and you ignored me all of sudden."

"Don't be such a low-tier Tsunbore!"

"I hate you, Neptune...I hate you!" (Arfoire)

"At least try dressing in cute clothes if you wanna seduce me, this ain't Persona."

They entered battle mode.

Due to the party being Lv 999, Arfoire died in one blow.

The result was...

"Ahhhhh!" (Purple Heart)

"Awawawa..." (Compa)

"Ugh..." (Iffy)

"Hmph, you guys are weaklings. Now you folks will be my love slave, whether you like it or not."

"Umm...Arfy-chan, you're actually very cute without the gaudy makeup so will you please let us go." Purple Heart also whispered secretly to Iffy and Compa, "Damn it, why does this stupid things keep happening to us? Seriously, we kept being subdued by the PLOT every time!"

"How the hell am I supposed to know what are you talking about?" (Iffy)

"I'm sorry, Ms. Arfoire...we don't mean to be rude..."

...but Arfoire totally ignored the words of the other two and gazed longingly at Purple Heart. The witch went full doki-doki gazing at her voluptuous HDD form.

"C-cute? Hmph, that's a given! Err...well, since I'm not that mad anymore please live with me. I will cook you delish eggplants every day."

"Eggplant? No...no...nooooo!" (Neptune)

Her HDD got deactivated from the shock and Arfoire carried Neptune back to her home. The entire time, the little girl was stuck to her bosom. The feeling was heavenly.

Still, the thought of having to eat eggplants for the rest of her life would be akin to torture.

Game Over

...the ship didn't sail this time.

'Why just me?'

The entire time, Neptune was wondering when Arfoire clearly said it's three of them would be the love slave.

Only Arfoire herself would know the reason, it seems.

Chapter 3 : Useless Lily Rank

"Noire."

"What is it, Neptune?"

"Let's have sex."

"W-w-what the hell are you talking about! Saying such vulgar words in front of me, have you got no shame about it!"

"Eh? I should be the one questioning. Our lily rank is already 10, so why are you so resigned about this? I should be the victim there-I already work so hard grinding the Lily lv. 5 for the disc and spamming so many pointless battles just for this and there is no actual change to our relationship at all! You still Friendzone me all the time! Do the developers have a prejudice against Yuri!"

"Calm down, Neptune. Umm...it's true that I really like you but."

"No! Don't friendzone me again I beg you. My heart already hurts af."

"L-listen to me! What I mean is: why do you want to...do it with me?"

"Isn't it obvious, in games like these, when the affection meter reach max, you can unlock a H-Scene!"

"...I don't think it was appropriate for this game."

Even if it's part Visual Novel and has the scene of girls kissing and loli tentacle rape, it has no H-Scene. Maybe we could go to their page and download the H-Scene patch.

"Then what's the point on raising it to level 10, I want to be rewarded for my efforts...uuu..."

At this point, Noire thought, the crying, meek Neptune was the cutest thing ever.

Patting the lilac girl's head and stroking her hair while locking her deep in embrace, Noire opened the menu with an ecstatic face.

'So soft and fluffy...Neptune please marry me...'

..but she was too embarassed to say that. Different than Neptune, she wasn't shameless.

Looking at the menu, the status of Neptune, Noire, Blanc and Vert were displayed.

They're mostly canceling animations over and over while reducing mobs while grinding. Everyone else got hitched in their Bus.

Noire opened up Neptune's lily rank button to see '10' level with everyone. Literally, everyone.

"Neptune...this.."

"..ahhnn...yes...what is it, Noire?"

"Did you also want to do it with Peashy, Rom, Ram, Broccoli and even Umio?"

Why the hell did Umio have Lily Rank even though he's male?

As for Histoire, Noire certainly didn't think Neptune would force her stuff into the book fairy even though it wouldn't fit.

"Yes, especially Umio. I want to experience doing it with a fish someday."

Noire felt like vomiting blood.

In addition of being a lolicon you also wanna shag a fish...

As for herself, Neptune wasn't a loli wasn't she? Noire wouldn't be a pedophile just because she wanted Neptune—nah screw it.

'If she's 12 I'm 12. we're all about the same age anyway.'

"...you...bought the Umio DLC just for this...?"

"Of course!"

"Idiot! You damn stupid jerk! To think you're choosing a fish over me...go to hell, I don't wanna see you again..."

"Ack!"

Neptune got sent flying over outside the Basilicom window with an uppercut, forcing her to enter HDD to break her fall.

While floating in the air, Neptune sighed.

"It was you who refused to fuck, Noire...why are you such a damn tsundere..."

Neptune flew towards the desirable place, with goals none other than to shag Rei Ryghts and CFW Magic.

She was already bored after doing it with Arfoire so often.

Not Linda, since she has no boobs.

Histoire, Croire, Blanc, Rom, Ram, Uni, Broccoli, Peashy, Plutia, Iffy, Nisa, Gust, B-Sha, Abnes and Shakeko (panda form) was an exception though.

In fact, Neptune stole Shakeko's virginity when she was a panda. After shagging her for several chapters, she turned to a human girl, which motivated the lilac girl even more.

Neptune was quite forgetful of her potential flatty harem candidates. She would have her HDD boobs slapped by Nisa if she knew about the girl's thoughts.

Alas, she knew she's going to get friendzoned even when her Lily Rank was 10. She might even get smacked to death by Rei and CFW Magic since they had no Lily Rank with her.

...still, it wouldn't hurt to try right. Neptune thought, those two were too delicious to pass up.

#justHDN things

Chapter 4 : Origin of CPU Candidates

"Sis...we want to know the truth of our existence!"

Nepgear, representing the CPU candidates, were truly high after marathoning the entire Serial Experiments Lain. Even Rene Descartes words of salvation did not ring bells to her.

We think, therefore we are? Bullshit.

How can we think on our own? What if we're actually fictional characters in a game called Hyperdimension Neptunia?

Think your sister! Think your family! Think your ancestors!

At some point Nepgear also fantasized that her entire ordeal and crisis, along with experiencing Conquest Ending just for the juicy CPU and Candidate Aegis—were actually just a dream?

That her entire existence were actually a brain in a jar, on a spaceship ready to depart towards your home.

"The worth of your existence is 1024 mb each with Rom and Ram being the buy one get one free offer." Histoire opened up the conversation, while the CPUs were silent.

Expressions of the ones present stiffened.

1024 mb?

...book fairy, are you saying our worth was even less than a DVD? It was only three anime episodes too.

Rom and Ram also wanted to cry seeing as their individual worth were less than Nepgear and Uni.

"Don't misunderstand. Rom and Ram were one package. Together, you're one individual."

Before the twins able to voice their complaints, Histoire kept prattling on.

"It was true that you were born from share energy. The fact, however, went further-the Player deliberately ordered Neptune to screw up the shares distribution just for all of you to be born. Also, he had to undergo around two or three times playthrough of skipping all the same texts while at it. While he is not your father, it's because of his decisions you could be born, got it?"

"..."

"Now thank the Player for being born."

"W-we are very grateful...Player..."

Three of them made a strange awkward expression as they bowed to a certain direction.

You, as the reader, who played Hyperdimension Neptunia, felt something weird as the Candidates seem to be aware of you.

That aside, the conversation still continued.

With few 'ahems' Histoire finally revealed the truth.

"Nepgear, you were born from a God Soul but it's technically from a Dragon. So, rejoice—Dragonborn."

"Fus!" being forced by the Author, Nepgear let out an awkward scream.

Alas, Nepgear's inner Thu'um failed to channel because she actually never trained or even learned of it.

...another silence.

"Uni, you were born from Magical Reactor 4, a Robot's remains. So you're technically a...do I have to say it?"

"Err..."

"Uni, I love you!" realizing what it truly was, Nepgear started hugging Uni and dragged her outside the room with heated breath.

"P-please be gentle, Nepgear."

Uni was concerned about the state of her butt.

"..." Rom and Ram, who were left with the weird Histoire, naturally felt tension rising on their spine.

"Lastly, Rom and Ram, you guys are born from Small Whale Ball. So technically—you two are whales."

Before the twins could retort any further, a long-draped curtain mysteriously fell upon them.

With a smug expression, Histoire said,

"That's all folks."

...

Rom and Ram, seemingly on the verge of crying, whispered to you in a low voice.

"Big sis didn't even give us enough pocket money..."

Just HDN Things – Fin

Extra Chapter:

"Do we really need to have a long ass thank you from all the characters this time?" (Neptune)

"Just keep it short okay? I don't think that many people would be patient to continue after reading such terrible story." (Iffy)

"Would it be okay if it's just three of us?" (Compa)

"Why don't you ask the reader, Compa?" (Neptune)

"Right, right. I seriously just want to get this over with. Y'know the readers definitely would prefer to spend their time reading better stories." (Iffy)

"Let us start then!" (Compa)

Three of them said in turns.

"Thank you..." (Compa)

"For..." (Iffy)

"Fapping!" (Neptune)

"..." (Compa & Iffy)

Before they realize it, the scenery in front of them changed to the Menu Screen of Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;birth 1.

"How did we get here?" (Compa)

"This place is so strange. It seemed my whole life is just a lie." (Iffy)

"Don't sweat it. Let's just start over and..." (Neptune)

Neptune accidentally clicked 'Quit Game'

#justHDNthings

Extra Chapter 2

After exiting the game, Neptune found herself in front of the Author's desktop PC.

She noticed all the texts and the finished story still opened, which included this text plus all the thing you would soon be reading.

Who knew what kind of portion were actually edited by Neptune or left intact either due to her laziness or other things else.

Neptune felt really strange, how did the Author predict her actions to such degree? She could not even fathom this perverted bastard's train of thought. Alas, she deemed it to be pretty fun, she tried to browse the Author's porn folder and soon noticed his weird fetishes, which, to respect his privacy, were left untold.

Soon, because she was a good girl, she did not try to browse any more stuff and instead opened his web browser, noticing the writing site , which was very similar to Nepfanfics in Gamindustri, she immediately familiarized herself to it.

She knew that to the people in here, she was just an anime / game / fictional character. They like to ship her with Noire / Plutia / Peashy / Arfoire / Nepgear and even Cave. The folks also made a lot of lewd pictures of everyone she knew. Now that she's there—she gotta make her existence known!

After uploading the story to in the fandom of Hyperdimension Neptunia, she left out a note at the end of story.

-uploaded by Nep-Nep

P.S : damn you Author, I may be gay but I'm not that gay! I just edited some things to make you know I'm just a little gay.

As to where I'm going, no need to ask. I just felt like exploring your world a bit. Maybe Histy would call you in three days or something, I would be back to your home by that time. Make sure you don't uninstall Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 1, okay?

As thanks, maybe...uh, when it's possible, I would ask her to show you around Gamindustri when you're free. Alright then, see ya later.

...

Author's note : Hmm..that was odd. I was just out buying food and eating at the convenience store, how did my story turned out like this? I barely remember what it looked like when I first wrote it. I kept procrastinating due to my busy schedule and mostly laziness.

I was just curious though.

How the hell did she got out to explore when my apartment room were locked? Ah it's via the balcony, I kinda notice it were opened a bit. With her physique she should be able to jump down from the second floor without any screwups. It's late at night atm and there's barely any people nearby. Her lilac hair may stand out in this place but strangely enough I didn't see any commotion around.

Well...I guess that's fine as well. Hope your 'Adventure' in this world be smooth sailing.

In any case, thanks Nep Nep. It might be good going to Gamindustri but, I was an indoors person. When you said this could happen all of sudden, it kind of troubled me. At least inform me in advance and how many days so I could issue a break from work.

This was already enough, with your help, this story was finished. Once again, thank you very much.

You may not even read all of this at all, but I hope my message came across someday. Or when you're back there I would tell my message personally—I'd most likely forget the majority though.

...well, that's all, idk what more to say.


End file.
